My First Boyfriend, Who Treated Me as His Life

It was year 2004 when I met the guy who once played a very important part in my life. He was my first love, my first boyfriend and my first kiss. He is Arjie.

Though we are both very young that time, still we believe that our love would last a lifetime.

Until …

October 14, 2007.. he committed suicide.

I immediately went to the hospital to see him. I saw him on the ICU. There’s a tube inside her mouth and I can see that it’s 165 cm. I have learned that it’s the only way for him to breathe. Later that day, he was transferred on a room. Nurses told me that I shouldn’t leave him because when I am there, his condition improves. There’s a great chance that he can survive. So, what I did that time was I skipped my classes just to be with him and take care of him. I told him that I am very sorry and that I love him so much. He always smile at me though he cannot speak because of the tube inside his mouth going to his stomach.

When one dawn time, I guess, it’s on the 3rd day, her aunt came to the hospital. She was very angry and keep on insulting me. That time, I knew that she have learned already that I am the reason why my boyfriend committed suicide. She kept on scolding me on front of the nurses on the hospital. She even tried to throw me a chair but the nurses were there to stop her.

That time, my boyfriend was sleeping. Even there are commotions, still he didn’t woke up. Maybe he’s just listening or maybe really asleep that time. One woman told me that I should go home but a pregnant nurse told me that I shouldn’t leave because my boyfriend’s condition is improving when I am there. I have decided to leave and go downstairs. I went inside the chapel and prayed for my boyfriend to be healed.

I went home, walking and wandering along the sidewalks. I am very depressed that time. I always blame myself about what happened. I can still remember when he told me that if he sees me with another guy, he’ll kill himself. I regret why I just neglect what he said.

October 23, 2007..

I was very busy studying for my final exams that time and it was Saturday evening when my father texted me and told me to go to Sasa.

When, I went down the jeepney. My father and my aunt was there.

My father told me that ..

“An, this is life. People die.”

When I heard him speaking those words, I really screamed on the road. I cried. I can’t believe that my boyfriend was already dead for two or three days already and they just made it a secret.  My father said that it’s because they just wanted me to concentrate on my exams that time.

“Do you want to see him?” ,papa asked me..

“Yes pa, I want to see him”, I answered.

While we three are walking on the road going to my boyfriend’s place, I can already see the lights and the people. All eyes are watching me while I am crying. And then,

I saw his happy picture, a picture of the person I truly loved.

But,  it was placed above his coffin…

I don’t know what to do that time, It seemed that I am going to be out of my mind..

If I can just bring him back, I will.

Now, it was almost 5 years but I can still remember the pain ;-( and my boyfriend who loved me until the end of his life. 🙂

Next month, July 20, he’s supposed to celebrate his 23rd birthday..

Just wanna greet him in advance!

I just want to say that I will never forget you and you’ll always be here in my heart and forever a part of my life. 🙂

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